By wie los jy jou worries?

Dit was ‘n tawwe paar dae. Of eerder ‘n paar weke.

Dinge verander in ‘n oogwink, en waar jy een oomblik nog besig is om te ‘deal’ met die een ‘issue’ duik die ander een op.

Dit het gevoel soos een baie lang rollercoaster ride, en ek wou net skreeu ‘stop, laai my net hier af’.

Maar, ongelukkig is die alledagse lewe nie so eenvoudig nie, waar jy nie net kan skreeu stop nie.

Met al die kwaad, irritasie, angs en hartseer wou ek net in ‘n bolletjie iewers opkruip, en net so bly totdat ek weer mens voel.

En nee, daar het niks erinstig gebeur nie. Maar then again, moet ek myself bietjie slack gee, want na amper 10 maande het ek weer begin werk, in dieselfde bedryf wat ek gedink het, ek het ‘retire’ van. (Binnekort sal ek bietjie meer vertel).

Maar nietemin, dit het net gevoel niemand sien of hoor my nie. Ek dra almal se sorge op my skouers, en ek wou net vra, maar wat van my?

Hoekom kan iemand nie net sien en my vra, is jy okay? Is jy regtig okay?

Ek sou tien teen een in trane uitbars, maar ek wou net hê daar moes iemand, veral die mense naaste aan my, moet ook so ‘in tune’ wees met my belange soos ek met hul sin is. (Bietjie selfish,ja, ek weet)

Ek’t so vasgekyk dat niemand rondom my vir my raak sien nie, of belang stel in hoe ek voel nie, dat ek amper daardie een persoon misgekyk het wat my wel raak sien, en wat my belange op Sy hart dra.

Jesus.

In die Bybel, talle kere kom sê Hy vir ons, Hy is lief vir ons, en Hy hoor ons, en Hy is daar vir ons.

Vir hierdie stuk, wil ek net drie verse uitsonder.

1 Petrus 5 vers 7 sê, ‘Werp al julle bekommernisse op Hom, want Hy sorg vir julle.’

En ekt altyd na hierdie vers gekyk, en besluit dat ek kan net na die Liewe Heer toe gaan met my ‘groot bekommernisse’, soos sal ons dit finansieël maak die maand?

Ek’t sommer besluit Hy wil tog nie hoor hoe my man of my kinders my vanogend kwaad gemaak het net omdat hulle nie hul wasgoed opgetel het en in die wasmandjie gegooi het nie.

Maar Hy wil. Hy wil deel wees van elke liewe moment van jou lewe. Hy wil hê ons moet alles met Hom deel, die goeie, die slegte en selfs die ‘in-between’ oomblikke ook.

Hy is mos tog die Een wat my aanmekaar geweef het.

Ek het dit baie mooi kom besef toe ek in hierdie tyd voel ek kan net huil, en daar is niemand rondom my waarmee ek wil of kan deel wat my nie gaan ‘judge’ nie.

Want dit het ook al ‘n paar keer gebeur – waar ek net wil praat of vra vir hulp, net om geignoreer te word. Maar Liewe Jesus doen dit nie. Hy judge nie soos mense sal judge nie, Hy ignoreer my ook nie.

Dit bring my na die volgende vers.

Psalm 139 vers 16 sê ‘U het my al gesien toe ek nog ongebore was, al my lewensdae was in U boek opgeskrywe nog voordat ek gebore was’.

En ook in dieselfde gedeelte, vers 2 sê ‘Of ek sit of ek opstaan, U weet dit, U ken my gedagtes nog voordat hulle by my opkom’.

Daar is absoluut niks wat in ons lewens gebeur wat die Here nie van weet nie. Niks.

Hy weet ook presies waarmee ons kan ‘deal’ en wat nie. Hy ken ook wat is die beste vir ons, (al voel dit nie altyd soos die beste nie).

En dan ten laaste in Matteus 11 vers 28, sê Jesus vir ons, ‘Kom na My toe almal wat uitgeput en oorlaai is, en Ek sal julle rus gee.’

Dit is so ‘n mooi uitnodiging, hier waar ek uitgeput en oorlaai is, kan ek na Jesus toe gaan, en Hy sal vir my rus gee.

Ek leer myself nou dat ek nie terug na my ‘default settings’ sal gaan, en in ‘n bolletjie wil opkruip en toe laat dat die wêreld met al sy lelik my net nog platslaan, maar dat ek eerste na Jesus sal hardloop.

En Hom sal alles vertel wat op my hart is, en dit alles by Sy voete sal neerlê (dit daar los), en Hom sal vertrou dat maak nie saak wat gebeur nie, dit alles ten goede sal uitwerk.(Romeine 8:28).

Qaulity over quantity

I was a busy bee.

Always running off to somewhere.

A variety of sticky notes were pasted everywhere of what I had to do for the day. After having my second child, I started dreading this never-ending to-do list. I always had a ton of things to do, somewhere I had to be. Yes, of course, my previous job as a multimedia journalist required that of me. I always had to be on top of things happening in my community. I always ensured that I knew of things happening and stories to tell.

It came to a point that I got up very early and went to bed late, just to try and catch up. Or I'd structure my day in such a way as to do as many things as possible in the shortest amount of time. Juggling it all became a mantra of "quantity over quality".

I was constantly anxious. Stressed. I kept saying yes to everything that fell in my lap and I did not even realize that I was saying no to several other, more important things.

I was such a people pleaser, I came to realise because I wanted to show those around me that I'm an excellent worker, I'm someone you can count on, I'm someone who will always help. And those are all great qualities.

But at what expense?

I was "kept" so busy chasing the approval of people, to like me that I did not even see how my life was actually falling apart.

I was so focused on raking in awards, and plastering them on my wall for everyone to see, I did not see what was truly happening behind the scenes.

I mean, this is what the world is conditioning us to be - you have to say or do the right thing to get more followers on social media, do or say the right things for your friends to keep hanging out with you, do or say the right things to just fit in.

And through my relationship with Jesus, He gradually started opening my eyes.

He showed me that while I was thriving as a journalist, getting the awards, saying yes to everything my job required of me (and many many times doing more than expected) I was saying no to my relationship with my Abba Father, my family, and myself.

I was so busy trying to get people to realise that I am worthy; I am a valued team player, that I wasn't hearing God's voice telling me that I had nothing to prove. That I am already loved. Chosen. Valued.

And now being a homemaker, there's no one to impress - this is selfless work - there's no one checking up to award you at the end of the month with best sweeper of the month, or best duster of the month.

And I am so grateful to Jesus that He lovingly opened my eyes.

Because Jesus says in John 10: 10 that , He came to give us life, life in abundance.

Not a life filled with worry, anxiety, stress, and restlessness. A life filled with love, joy, and peace. His peace is the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. The peace that can weather any storm.

While still in my busy bee phase, I was earnestly seeking God's peace, and His rest. And I turned to His Word, and I realised that during His time on earth; He worked very hard, preaching, healing the sick and lame, BUT He always made time to rest. He always made time to be alone, and pray and rest.

God made the world in six days, and on the seventh day, He rested.

So why are we constantly running around? Trying to keep up with the latest trends when our bodies are clearly screaming for rest? To be 'awarded'? For a measly paycheck that barely reaches the end of the week? To finally hear I'm proud of you? To finally be told that you are a valued team member?

You are already loved. You are already a valued team member of God's family. You are free. Chosen. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

And now that I've stepped away, I realised how much of an impact "quality" has instead of "quantity".

I'm still battling with changing my mindset that I don't have to rush or juggle a ton of things at a time to be labeled as a good homemaker, wife or mother.

I am still learning every single day, but the most amazing part of it all is, that I am more in tune now with my Heavenly Father, my family and myself.

All because I slowed down.

And my heart overflows with joy that He has granted me all of this, for now.