Ever since I was little, I had a believe that no matter what happens in life, that anything and everything is possible. I have always “colored outside the lines” or “pushed the boundaries of what society deams appropriate”. And this enabled me to have some pretty extraordinary adventures aswell as some very hard and difficult lessons in life.When I was very young, teachers use to repremand me for speaking to much, doing to much, having “infasions” i.e. daydreams or a wild imagination.
They use to tell my mother that I won’t amount to much if I don’t straighten up. Even at times my own mother would tell me to get out of my imaginary world, stop my stories and obey. Boy, is that a hard thing to tell a child who was a born gypsy, a wild daughter, a spirited being. But I tried. I put aside my naiveness, I tried to be what everyone wanted me to be, and it was not easy.
Being something that goes against the vibre of who you were meant to be. Pushing and forcing yourself into a mould that was not designed for you. I did this for years, having depression and anger came along with this new me. I got to a point where I would do anything to belong, to fit in, to matter. And not all off what I did was good. And because of these experiences, my believe was deminished, my innocence was gone, and I became this half-person.
Never sure of what was true and what was not. But as I got older, I realised that this was not me. And somewhere along the line, I started to grow a little, touch the border of where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be. And after a few years of living the way others wanted me to, I decided to start my journey of self discovery. I needed to know me…who was Leatitia Coetzee. What was she, who was she? And this choice would prove to be the biggest of my life, it cost me so much but gained me even more.I sold everything, bought a ticket to the East and flew thousands of miles to a strange new country, where no one knew my past, knew me. I needed to start a fresh.
Once I landed in China, a cultural shock hit me like a wave. Fear crept in, as it always does, and I almost gave up. But something inside of me stood up and said ;”Your not done here. Just breath. You’ve got this.” So I buckled down, reached deep within myself and decided that this was not going to be easy, but that I needed this, needed to do this. Not for anyone else, for me.
Trust me, it took very deep introspection, having difficult conversations with myself and those in my life I had hurt, who hurt me. Trying to filter through the facade I had created, to find out what was true and what was a lie I had created in order to either belong, look cool, or survive. Slowly but surely I started to feel lighter, stronger and braver. My faith in Pappa (God) grew stronger and bolder. My dreams became larger and clearer. I knew what I wanted, needed and what and who not. I started amazing adventures, let go of friendships and relationships I thought was my everything. Let go of material things I thought would make me whole. I learnt to be patient, to be humble ( boy, I ate a lot of humble pie), to be honest (was never a strong point for me), to be clear in my intentions (the Universe always vibrates and picks up on our energy), and to believe again, like I did before life happened, that anything is possible and miracles do happen.
While traveling I thought I had everything under control. But my truest test happened when I returned to SA and had to face my old self, my old life, old friends and family. All the things I had left behind. And to be honest at some point I fell back into the trap of that, I reverted back to some old habbits…and everything fell apart again. I felt like I've failed, that everything I worked for was for nothing.
And then my sister said something to me that shifted my perspective. She told me that the person who stepped off the plane that day I came back, was to her who she always thought I could be, but never dreamed I would. Those words shifted everything for me and I realized that just because people still perceived me the way they thought I was, did not mean it was true. Their opinions was not my truth and not my reality. I realised that “those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”
From that moment on, until now, I live my life with this truth…that you do things that set your life and dreams on fire, you tread lightly with people’s emotions, you stay firm in your believe, you treat others like you want to be treated and you send light and love to those who come into your life. Their opinion is just that, theirs. It has nothing to do with you. Their words have no power, unless you allow it. And that you only have one life, to do with as you see fit, so do it in such a way that the legacy you leave behind is remebered for centuries.
So stop for a minute and think “what impact do I want to make?”
May you believe in miracles, may your journey be filled with light, love and clarity. May you all, as we near the end of another year, close chapters, mend fences, find love, find purpose, and find peace.
Merry christmas and a happy new year for all.
"A secret to life: Know that none of this matters, and yet... live as if every single moment does."