Codependency
Updated: Nov 18, 2020
A codependent relationship is when everything you do is in reaction to your abuser’s behavior. And they need you just as much to boost their own self-esteem. You’ve forgotten how to be any other way. It’s a vicious circle of unhealthy behavior.
““Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors.”
― Melody Beattie”
You might be codependent if you:
are unhappy in the relationship, but fear alternatives
consistently neglect your own needs for the sake of theirs
ditch friends and sideline your family to please your partner
frequently seek out your partner’s approval
critique yourself through your abuser’s eyes, ignoring your own instincts
make a lot of sacrifices to please the other person, but it’s not reciprocated
would rather live in the current state of chaos than be alone
bite your tongue and repress your feelings to keep the peace
feel responsible and take the blame for something they did
defend your abuser when others point out what’s happening
try to “rescue” them from themselves
feel guilty when you stand up for yourself
think you deserve this treatment
believe that nobody else could ever want to be with you
change your behavior in response to guilt; your abuser says, “I can’t live without you,” so you stay
So? How do I move away from being codependent?
Separate showing support from codependence.
SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Work through your past
Overcome denial
Detach, disentangle
LEARN TO SAY NO
Find supportive people
Care for Yourself
PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Embrace honesty
Grow thicker skin
Take emotional breaks
Consider counseling
Rely on support