Codependency

Updated: Nov 18



A codependent relationship is when everything you do is in reaction to your abuser’s behavior. And they need you just as much to boost their own self-esteem. You’ve forgotten how to be any other way. It’s a vicious circle of unhealthy behavior.

“Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors.”

Melody Beattie

You might be codependent if you:

  • are unhappy in the relationship, but fear alternatives

  • consistently neglect your own needs for the sake of theirs

  • ditch friends and sideline your family to please your partner

  • frequently seek out your partner’s approval

  • critique yourself through your abuser’s eyes, ignoring your own instincts

  • make a lot of sacrifices to please the other person, but it’s not reciprocated

  • would rather live in the current state of chaos than be alone

  • bite your tongue and repress your feelings to keep the peace

  • feel responsible and take the blame for something they did

  • defend your abuser when others point out what’s happening

  • try to “rescue” them from themselves

  • feel guilty when you stand up for yourself

  • think you deserve this treatment

  • believe that nobody else could ever want to be with you

  • change your behavior in response to guilt; your abuser says, “I can’t live without you,” so you stay

So? How do I move away from being codependent?


  1. Separate showing support from codependence.

  2. SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

  3. Work through your past 

  4. Overcome denial

  5. Detach, disentangle

  6. LEARN TO SAY NO

  7. Find supportive people

  8. Care for Yourself

  9. PUT YOURSELF FIRST

  10. Embrace honesty

  11. Grow thicker skin

  12. Take emotional breaks

  13. Consider counseling

  14. Rely on support



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“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Cape Town

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