Most of us have been hurt by someone else that mattered to us somewhere in life. Our trust in others has previously been broken. Words that hurt us have been used to break us down. We have been challenged by other people in ways that make us feel uncomfortable or disrespected. We have been witnesses to situations where people that we love are hurt on a constant basis, but we are not in a position to say or react towards the situation.
If we are constantly faced or confronted by the same hurt, disrespect or situations we tend to become detached from reality. These become wounds that can leave us with lasting feelings of bitterness and anger towards the person or situation, which eventually will start to affect our heart, mind and soul. Bitterness starts out small. Offences always in some way find its way into our hearts. Unfortunately, we replay this in our minds which become deep wounds.
While we focus on what has been done to us or the people we love, we forget that the person or situation is moving on with their life’s. We always find a way of sharing our story with someone willing to listen. I have also realized that bitterness wants us to say or do something that we know will also hurt them back, but one thing I have learned during these past few weeks is that I will still be the only one suffering. By doing something in return I only give some more ammunition to shoot me and to wound me even more.
I have been blessed with a mentor in my life who started challenging me about the way in which I approach or want to approach people or situations in my life that has brought me resentment and bitterness. I have been reading up on this topic of bitterness and how it affects us not only on a spiritual level but also on a physical level. I have realized that bitterness allows us to become victims of an unhealthy healing process of a perceived wrongdoing against us. We become so focused on the pain and wrong doing that were committed against us, that we stop focusing and working on the healing that we need to forgive someone or a situation.
Bitterness steals our happiness, joy and personal relationships with people that love us unconditionally. We cannot choose or change the past, we cannot choose our family and we cannot undo what has happened to us in the past. We can try to make a difference within our lives by changing our hearts.
Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Time and time again I have been faced with the challenging task of forgiveness. Forgiveness gives us the power to say no to bitterness. Forgiveness provides us with the opportunity to take back our daily life, happiness and joy. Is it our lack of forgiveness that we choose to hold onto bitterness and allow it to steal our happiness and joy? In my case I had to hear this on a constant basis to realize it is my lack of true forgiveness that is holding me back from freeing myself and the person or situation.
As strong independent females we think that if we hold onto bitterness, anger and resentment that in some or other way we will become more powerful to return the emotion and not be the victim anymore. But the opposite of this is true. It steals our joy and happiness. It takes away the unconditional love we can give to others on a daily basis.
I am still on a journey of finding how to truly forgive, but I am sure that the word forgiveness will mean that I can move on with true joy and freedom. I will have compassion for the person and situation that caused me to feel bitterness in the first place. And most importantly my relationship with God would have grown because I trusted Him with my hurt, anger and bitterness.
Our God knows what is going on in our hearts. He knows who hurt us and who is going to hurt us. He is always there. We must just learn how to trust Him, and we must become strong women that pray for those who have or might hurt us and our loved ones in future.
- Love Charné ♡