I was a busy bee.
Always running off to somewhere.
A variety of sticky notes were pasted everywhere of what I had to do for the day. After having my second child, I started dreading this never-ending to-do list. I always had a ton of things to do, somewhere I had to be. Yes, of course, my previous job as a multimedia journalist required that of me. I always had to be on top of things happening in my community. I always ensured that I knew of things happening and stories to tell.
It came to a point that I got up very early and went to bed late, just to try and catch up. Or I'd structure my day in such a way as to do as many things as possible in the shortest amount of time. Juggling it all became a mantra of "quantity over quality".
I was constantly anxious. Stressed. I kept saying yes to everything that fell in my lap and I did not even realize that I was saying no to several other, more important things.
I was such a people pleaser, I came to realise because I wanted to show those around me that I'm an excellent worker, I'm someone you can count on, I'm someone who will always help. And those are all great qualities.
But at what expense?
I was "kept" so busy chasing the approval of people, to like me that I did not even see how my life was actually falling apart.
I was so focused on raking in awards, and plastering them on my wall for everyone to see, I did not see what was truly happening behind the scenes.
I mean, this is what the world is conditioning us to be - you have to say or do the right thing to get more followers on social media, do or say the right things for your friends to keep hanging out with you, do or say the right things to just fit in.
And through my relationship with Jesus, He gradually started opening my eyes.
He showed me that while I was thriving as a journalist, getting the awards, saying yes to everything my job required of me (and many many times doing more than expected) I was saying no to my relationship with my Abba Father, my family, and myself.
I was so busy trying to get people to realise that I am worthy; I am a valued team player, that I wasn't hearing God's voice telling me that I had nothing to prove. That I am already loved. Chosen. Valued.
And now being a homemaker, there's no one to impress - this is selfless work - there's no one checking up to award you at the end of the month with best sweeper of the month, or best duster of the month.
And I am so grateful to Jesus that He lovingly opened my eyes.
Because Jesus says in John 10: 10 that , He came to give us life, life in abundance.
Not a life filled with worry, anxiety, stress, and restlessness. A life filled with love, joy, and peace. His peace is the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. The peace that can weather any storm.
While still in my busy bee phase, I was earnestly seeking God's peace, and His rest. And I turned to His Word, and I realised that during His time on earth; He worked very hard, preaching, healing the sick and lame, BUT He always made time to rest. He always made time to be alone, and pray and rest.
God made the world in six days, and on the seventh day, He rested.
So why are we constantly running around? Trying to keep up with the latest trends when our bodies are clearly screaming for rest? To be 'awarded'? For a measly paycheck that barely reaches the end of the week? To finally hear I'm proud of you? To finally be told that you are a valued team member?
You are already loved. You are already a valued team member of God's family. You are free. Chosen. Fearfully and wonderfully made.
And now that I've stepped away, I realised how much of an impact "quality" has instead of "quantity".
I'm still battling with changing my mindset that I don't have to rush or juggle a ton of things at a time to be labeled as a good homemaker, wife or mother.
I am still learning every single day, but the most amazing part of it all is, that I am more in tune now with my Heavenly Father, my family and myself.
All because I slowed down.
And my heart overflows with joy that He has granted me all of this, for now.